“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.” -Psalm 139:16
This is a blog post that I’ve been wanting to write for about a week now. It seems like everywhere you look, people are getting engaged or married, and on top of all of that, it seems like there is an unspoken expectation in the Christian community about getting married by a certain age. Now, before I begin, I want to say that this is no way, shape, or form a dis on anyone who is dating, engaged, or married, or anyone who has just become one of these things—and you’ll see why in a little bit that we’re able to celebrate these precious things in life with you, even when the single ones are left, well, single.
Also, please note that this blog post is written with the intention of the reader one day getting married, that day just happens to not be today. I’m not going to talk about or from the point of the exception of those who have the gift of singleness. I may or may not talk about that some other time. So, let’s begin!
I was at a store a couple weeks ago and I ran into an older-ish man I used to go to church with years back, and shortly into our conversation, this was how it went:
Him: Are you married, yet?
Him: How old are you?
Him: Oh, you’ve got a couple years yet.
No kidding, this is what happened. But it’s really not that uncommon. I don’t think a lot of us talk about it, but it seems that if Christians aren’t married—or at least found “the one”—by age 22, then we’re going to be single for the rest of our lives.
So to all of those single Christians out there approaching college graduation, let me assure you, it’s okay. Really, it’s okay if you haven’t found your person yet. And to all those single Christians who are approaching 30 and all of your friends are already married, it’s okay. And if you’re in your thirties and there still hasn’t been anyone for you yet, it’s okay.
To be perfectly honest, I’m 21, and I’ve never had a boyfriend. Ever. And it’s okay.
So, I wanted to take a moment to present to you why I’m not freaking out that I haven’t found “the one” yet, and give you some encouragement as to why you shouldn’t be, either.
- GOD KNOWS. He knows, fam. He knows where you are, He knows where you’re going, and He knows His perfect plan for you. In fact, He even knows who your future spouse is. He knows the color of their hair, the shape of their eyes, their biggest joys so far, and their biggest fears. He was there when they were being knitted together in their mother’s womb. He created them. Just like He created you. So not only does God know you inside and out, but He knows your future spouse inside and out, too. And this is terrific news. This means that God knows where they are, and what needs to happen to bring you both together, and He knows exactly how that’s going to happen. And trust me, He’s doing a much better job than you or I ever could. We may not see it or understand it now, but if we stay obedient, we will see His perfect plan unfold. And if we stay obedient, it will be beyond our wildest dreams. And that’s not hype, either. God loves you. He knows what and who is going to be best for you. Trust Him with that.
- No one’s road in life is the same. This is one of the reason comparison is such a deadly trap. God has not created me and you the same. He has also not called me and you into the exact same season of life right now. Your best friend may be getting married in two months, and you’re both the exact same age, but your best friend’s purpose and road in life is very different from yours. And that’s okay. God didn’t make copies when He made humans. He made them completely unique. Your story and your race will always look different from those around you. Just because you’re single right now doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. It just means that God has called you to singleness right now. That season may not last forever. But trust that while you’re single, God wants to do something amazing in your life right where you are, right now. There might be something right around the bend that will bless your life so abundantly, but you might need to be in this season of singleness to grab onto it. We don’t know all the details, but trust that God’s purpose for your life is so much greater than your own. He sees the beginning from the end, and He knows what the best time is for everything.
- If it’s God’s will that I get married, then He knows who I’m going to marry, therefore I can trust that the person I’m going to marry isn’t going to be getting married to someone else anytime soon. Of course, there could be an exception to this, but primarily speaking, God is saving your future spouse for you. Some way, shape or form. Please, please don’t freak out when you see someone getting married and think that makes one less person available for you. Your person is not getting married, and God knows that your future spouse is yours. It might take a day for them to come into your life, or it might take another ten years. Either way, we can trust that God is in control. His timing is best. All we have to do is trust Him.
Next week, I want to talk about what to do while we’re waiting for a future spouse. I think it’ll be really practical and encouraging. So make sure to stay tuned for that!
One last thing before I go—I’ve really been loving Psalm 139:16 lately. It tells us this:
“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”
Every day of your life is already written, guys. God knows. He knows it all. And He loves you more than you could ever imagine. Lean into this truth today, and let His love saturate you as you trust and wait in Him.
We’ll talk soon,
Jeremiah 29:11- “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”